Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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