I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
