i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found puke in my bra..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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