ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
