just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
