Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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