Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
