so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
