I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
