He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
