So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
