His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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