dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
