Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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