Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
