Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
