Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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