Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
