Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
