Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
