found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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