dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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