I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
