I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
