were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
