I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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