Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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