haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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