nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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