Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
