i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
