I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
