Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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