I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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