Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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