Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
