I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
