We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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