Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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