u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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