the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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