Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sponge bath it is.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
