So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
