There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need water and some morals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
