the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
