and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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