I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
