I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
