I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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