I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
