Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
