if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
