Can i not drive my cunt home
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
