I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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