There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
