i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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