yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
