I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
