Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
