I'm gonna have a badass scar
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are my feet made of real feet?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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