you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
